ugh...parents...

My parents can't agree on who should be the donor. Could you believe??? They both feel very strongly that it should be them, and it should not be the other. My parents are so crazy. Now, ever since I got the call from my mother, I've had an uneasy feeling about the whole thing, just all of a sudden. I've been thinking about it alot. I've been talking to friends, and my sister about it, and my husband. Most of them don't really understand. Whats worse, they don't understand how I could be so ungrateful and unappreciative that I have two people so willing to give me a kidney. But thats just it...

I read a story from a woman who had her father donate a kidney to her in 1975. She said that every year he sent her a card on the anniversary of the day he gave her a kidney. He said that he was lucky to be able to give birth to her twice.

You know the feeling that you have when you have a bill that needs to be paid, and you dont have the money for it? And every month goes by, and every time you get paid its on your mind that you STILL have that bill to pay? Or if you're in school, and you always, always have some homework assignment to be done. So whenever you're not doing homework, you feel like you need TO BE doing homework?

How can you ever repay the debt of a better life? How can you live knowing that you'll always owe? It seems to me that when people are so willing to donate, they are saying "Look how much I love you. I love you so much, look what I'm going to do for you." To have both my parents arguing, virtually competing for a chance to do this big thing for me, its terrifying.

I almost wish I could get a donor who I know is willing to do this simply because its necessary, not as a grand gesture. Now that the process is started, I don't want it to be either of my parents to tell the truth.