I know, I know

I already took two tests, now I'm just waiting for my period. I think its due tomorrow. So we'll see what happens.

I'm feeling a little better than I've been feeling all week. I was just so tired and frustrated. Sick of being sick. You have to see, I look a mess. People tell me I look fine, but I feel like I look a mess. I'm so paranoid about all the little things lately, especially after finding that my shit is getting worse. And then I find myself wondering, is this a symptom of ckd? And scouring the internet for answers, when dammit, I'm supposed to be working! I'm a woman obsessesed ya'll! But you have to see, my hair is everywhere. It just crumbles when I comb it, and I don't have nappy, or dry hair. But its just breaking off like crazy! I read some where that your hair is made of protein, and with my proteinuria, I'm wondering if that is the reason why my hair is breaking off so much.

My face is breaking out too, those giant, deep pimples that look like mosquito bites. My husband was saying it my be the procardia that the doctor put me on, because he said he's never seen my skin get like this before. Procardia is a bp regulating medicine that is pregnancy safe, its new for me, so maybe i'm reacting to it. I have to be on something, I stopped taking my bp medicine, and in less than a week, I was up to 155/110. Bananas.

So anyway, I know its pre-mature, but maybe I won't get my period tomorrow. Maybe I will, maybe I'm not even ready for a kid. In the meantime, even though I'm painfully tired today, I'm not as beat as I was yesterday. I'll be going back to my body watching, inspecting my ankles for excessive swelling (they're already puffy, and its not going away), and being paranoid about other parts like my back, and my neck and my cheeks, which are hopefully just getting fat. But most likely not, I'm one skinny bitch.

When I had my biopsy last year, my doctor and the techs were all marveling at how muscular my back is. I don't know why, I guess because I've burned through all of my body fat, but my arms and my back almost look like a man. I'm a lean ass machine. We'll see how long that lasts.