Hopelessly Optimistic

Yesterday I had a sonogram done. First they did it through my stomach, and then went in with that wand thing. Its dumb, but all the time I was watching the screen thinking that there was going to be a little suprise on there.

When I woke up yesterday morning, I had a splitting headache. It was so bad, I felt like the whole room was spinning around me. I got up anyway, a little earlier than usual actually, since I wanted to catch an earlier train. My stomach was all wonky. But I got in the car and headed to the train station. I made it about halfway, before I had to pull over and vomit on the side of the road. I lost about four minutes with that, but I didn't miss the train. And I didn't lose the last two advils that I took before I left the house! When I got on the train, I had to run to that nasty ass bathroom they have on there too. But by then there was nothing left, and the headache didn't go away.

I came to work feeling like a hot bag of shit, and I think everyone noticed because people kept asking me what was wrong. Actually, in about 15 minutes, I have a meeting with my two managers to explain to the them the situation, sans the baby part of it. I went to have my sonogram done yesterday, and I was gone for two hours, and I missed two meetings! I'm nervous as hell, because I'm afraid I am putting my job in jeopardy, and my future with this company.

So anyway, sonogram. "I'm going to have to get the doctor to come and look at this, it looks like a polyp, and if it is, that could be a deterrent in you getting pregnant." I got my little surprise alright. Did they think I don't have enough deterrents? This burly old man came in, and as sweetly as he could asked me to spread my legs widers, and he put in the whatever its called, duck looking things, and swabbed around me with iodine, and then he snaked this long tube into me, and injected saline solution. "Ohhhh, yep!" he said as the stuff dripped down my bottom, "right there!" Fuck.

I came back to work, 45 minutes before the day was over, with the stuff still running out of me. At least my headache had gone away by that point, and I stopped throwing up. Oh, and it seems that I have only one functioning ovary, she said she couldn't get a good look at the other one, but that it looked really small.

Well, I have this appointment with this new specialist on thursday. So we'll see what she says.